Welcome to The Ink Well, @amakauz. Your story has some nice touches of both drama and humor!
Here's a tip for you: Consider adding some dialogue between your characters, as well as some action.
These are two important elements of quality fiction that can bring a story to life. You have done a very nice job with the narrative, but it would be even better if you told some of the story in action, and added dialogue so the characters speak to each other. Here are a few resources for you from our catalog of fiction writing tips:
Thank you for sharing your story in The Ink Well, and for reading and commenting on the work of other community members.