I'm going to be bold here and say that I know the number reason that you and I--and all humans in fact--hold onto stuff we don't need.
You might disagree with me. And that's okay... Maybe you haven't thought about this as much as I have.
Maybe you haven't pondered the real reason you're holding onto old, scrappy clothes or that necklace you never wear or that book you that book someone gifted you that you've been meaning to read.
The reason?
Emotions.
Emotions that you may not even be aware of.
We like to think we're rational, logical, sensible people. But we're not, really.
We don't throw out broken things, or let things go of things we no longer, or re-gift perfectly good items we were never going to use in the first place. We don't do it because we feel some emotional sting at the thought of doing so.
Maybe you don't let go of the broken thing because it was the last thing your mother gave you before she died. And to do so would stir up the grief you've endured by losing this human from your life.
Maybe you don't let go of the thing you once loved but no longer need because it reminds you of a time when you felt more powerful than you feel now. Hence, to let it go makes you feel powerless or helpless or hopeless.
And maybe you don't re-gift that perfectly good item because you fear that the gift-giver might find out and that they'd judge you as unappreciative. You fear their judgement. You don't want to be a "bad person" so you just keep it in order to not feel that sense of shame.
I truly believe, after collecting and letting go of so many things over the years, and after working with human beings and their (often hidden) emotions in private sessions, that our behaviours are driven by emotions almost all of the time.
This includes our willingness to become more and more minimalist, and finally let go of the stuff we really don't need and perhaps don't even want anymore.
The solution to all these emotions controlling our lives?
Well, personally I like "Tapping" (Google "EFT Tapping" or "Intention Tapping" to see what I'm referencing here if you don't know it).
But that's not the main point of this post.
Because for us to shift the heavy emotions that are keeping us stuck with the physical thing we no longer need or want, first we have to realise it's our emotions controlling us and then get curious about what it is we're actually feeling.
This is what happened for me this morning.
I noticed I've been trying to use every last drop of this bug spray 👆 (to the point of trying to get my little finger into the too-small bottle to get more out)
I realised I was doing it as a way to stall on throwing the bottle out (into the recycling) as I usually would with hard plastic bottles.
When I finally, totally, properly emptied it this morning I went to (make myself) throw it into the recycling... and my heart hurt.
I asked myself why, and I immediately knew.
My Dad bought this for me when I went to visit him in Asia a month or so ago. He knew I was anxious about getting bitten by mosquitoes since I caught Dengue Fever several years ago when I lived in Bali.
While he worked hard when I was a child to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, I have basically nothing at all from him that I can recognise as a gift. There's no item I have that makes me think, "Dad gave me that."
So, I find myself wanting to keep this empty, no longer needed, plastic, recyclable bottle.
Because what it means to me is that, "My Dad cares about me."
And I wasn't always sure that was the case when I was a child. I also don't have lots of visual reminders that that is the case.
So to me, this empty plastic bottle that Brad (my partner) would just chuck out because it's not important to him, means far too much to me for me to part with it.
So I'm not going to force myself like I might have in the past.
But I'm also not clueless about what's driving my behaviour either.
Instead, I'm aware and choosing the action that's emotional but not logical, knowing that I can and will choose to let it go at some point down the track.
For now, I'm going to keep it on display with my other precious things until it feels silly or it simply feels like it's time to let it go.
And I'm 100% okay with this.
Two questions for you?
1. Do you agree that it's our emotions that cause us to keep things longer than we need or want them? If yes, share with us why. If no, share with us why!
2. How do you navigate this "keeping stuff that hurts to chuck out" vs. forcing yourself to just let stuff go?
If you have a way, other than Tapping, that you use to feel your feelings and then gently let said thing go, let us know on the comments! 👇
