Hi, @quan45. Here are some recommendations for you, as you write stories that you post in The Ink Well:

• Read the article that we provide at the top of all of our creative nonfiction writing prompts with tips for writing creative nonfiction.
• Read the articles in our Catalog of Storytelling Tips. This will provide some excellent assistance with learning how to develop a story. In particular, read the article on the story arc. (These tips apply to both fiction and creative nonfiction.) In your story above, you wrote two different scenes, but they are not tied together, so the story arc is missing.
• Check the quality of your writing before posting. In particular, be sure to provide paragraph breaks in between each paragraph, and be sure you include quotation marks at the end of each dialogue segment. These kinds of details make a big difference in the quality of a story, and the experience for the reader.

We hope these tips are helpful! Good luck and keep writing.