You present a story about a mother's desperate plight to save her sick daughter who may be dying. She is unable to get a taxi, is rebuffed by the neighbour, and finally ends up carrying her daughter for an hour to the nearest hospital, where she is able to get medical attention and recover. You had a nice idea here with some good rises and falls in tension and hope, but needed to flesh out the story more. As it stands you leave us with too many questions unanswered. Why was it too risky for the neighbour to give them a lift? And why did he rebuff her so harshly when she begged for his help? How was it possible for the mother to carry her 12 year old limp daughter for an hour, while running and walking down the road? A lifeless body would have been a dead weight. This does not seem feasible. It is also unusual for a receptionist to be empowered to give updates on a patient or to be allowed to reveal personal information to someone (the neighbour) who is not identified as a family member. The story doesn't quite gel on all levels. We have no idea as to how the child got sick so quickly (TB usually develops over a few weeks with noticeable signs along the way) or how she recovered so quickly after being at death's door... And why would Doris allow the neighbour to visit her daughter with her after she had just finished chastising him in public for not helping them? These are some examples to give you an idea of the type of things you need to consider more carefully when you write. Stories have to be believable or you lose the reader. Something that would have elevated your story would have been if you had focused more of your story on the journey to the hospital. You could have showed the relationship between mother and daughter, the struggle, the pain, the hopes and fears, and really got the reader invested in the outcome. You want your reader to be cheering your MC on each step of the way.

Thank you for writing in The Ink Well.