Greetings!
Being flexible is not a bad idea at all, it's not even a weakness but an act of being good, calm and mature, but it's not everybody that respect others flexibility. Some even take it for granted and making fool of those who are kind hearted and flexible in all their dealings. Some will even say, cheat him, he will not talk. Hmmm, though he might not talk, but one thing that's very sure is that, such a person knows what he's doing or what he should do, but he has decided to remain and keep quite, atime just for peace to reign or to prove his maturity. Remember the popular saying that says, " silence is golden."
Like I said earlier, being flexible is not a weakness at all, but at the same time, firmness is not wickedness either as some people would take it. The two just need to be balanced and embellished together so as to have good relationships with people and also, so as not to offend yourself. Remember not to say YES, when you mean to say a capital NO. what does this mean to me, I will relate and explain it to us by Sharing my own personal experience.
Sometimes ago, I was always shy of facing the reality even when things are not going my way just to please those around me, most especially my friends and for this reason, they started taking me for granted and this I didn't like, some will come to me for money and even if I don't have such amounts with me, I will and can go to any length just to obtain loan and lend it to my them. Well, to me, it's not really a bad idea, but when it's taken for granted, it becomes something bad to me and I was feeling so stupid and look like a fool, so, after borrowing them the money, they will not even pay back on time and I'm always the one to bear the brunt which is not always okay by me and as a result, I used to hate and offend myself. Maybe because of my flexibility and act of kindness, I used to find it difficult to ask or tell them to return the money and for this reason they took me for granted. Some will even come and ask me to borrow them another money, there was one I even helped to obtain loan from my own cooperative, when I gave him t the loan to support his business, there was no quarrel, but when I asked him about the repayment, he flared up and called me names and there was nothing I could than to be repaying the money from my pause, when it's not even convenient for me.
Also, in the year 2021, one of my friend's came to me to lend him money to kick start his point of sales business (POS), so I was at first, reluctant, but later I was moved with emotions and I asked him when and how he intends to pay me back my money as the money with me back then was not mine, but the one kept with me by a brother, so, this my friend said, he would pay me back the money in the next three month and I said, there's no problem, since the person who kept the money with me didn't really need the money at that particular time, Remember, that all the money I was lending them was without interest. So, I lent him the money and after three months, I called to remind him of our agreement and he pleaded with me to make use of the money for another two months and because of my flexibility, I could not say NO when I was meant to say NO. I agreed again and when the two months elapsed, I called him again and he was like, the money was not even up to the amount I lent him as he has been defrauded by a customer. In fact, it was complaint upon complaint and when I asked him further, he turned it to another thing and picked a fight with me, I could not bear fighting or keeping malice with him, but just to let go of the money.
So, we continue with our friendship but this time around, with a set boundary. So, not quite long, this my friend called and when he called, he was teasing me and he said, Samson, should I pay you your money? I said yes, he then asked me to send my account number which I did. Later , he called me back and said he was only teasing me as he has no money with him and that even if he has any money with him, he would rather use the money to buy washing machine as he is in need of one. Lo and behold, the guy has the money and he didn't give me. He went ahead and bought the washing machine. Months later, he called me to come to his house warming ceremony and I was short of words as I was just wondering about his wickedness. I made sacrifice to make you happy, even at my own detriment and you, because of your own selfish interest, pay me back with wickedness. But just because of friendship, there was nothing I could do than to set my boundaries and stay firm.
So, since then, I have decided and made up my mind that I will balance my flexibility with firmness and balancing both has really helped me in my dealings and relationships with people. So, I can now boldly say No to anybody that will not allow me to have peace and rest of mind.
Now is the time for me to be firm and make good use of my resources and life, enough of serving and pleasing people at my own detriment. Though they are still coming for help, but my answer now is NO. The most painful thing is how they have affected others that are in serious need. But notwithstanding, one thing I have been doing recently is to dash out whatever I can afford to those in need, instead of lending them, so that I will not be expecting them to pay back. If you asked me for 50k and it's 5k I can afford, I will give you. Ever since I started that, I have known peace. Though some see my being firm as an act of wickedness, but to me, it's not and this is because my flexibility has been made stupid and taken for granted. To me, firmness is not wickedness and I have balanced the two up. I no longer say YES when I mean to say NO. And it's not a show of wickedness but of firmness and like I said, I still do good to people by giving them and not lending.
Thanks for reading.
All pictures are mine.
Posted Using INLEO
