Since this evening I got a call from my mom and after the conversation, it kept repeating in my head "It's going to be okay, everything will be fine, everything will be alright, she will be fine." The truth is every day she picks up her calls and I hear her voice on the other side of the phone, I am a bit relieved.
Do I have fear, of course, because I have been faced with too many issues from her, we have encountered so many challenges, and for some reason after the whole running around and challenges, it ends but it always leaves me shattered and weak.
Funny how I just can not tell anyone how I am feeling, do not want to say anything about it because it feels like saying it how it is means I am accepting my fate even though saying it means coming to the realization that something is happening.
I don't know why I felt coming down here to pen down this is the safest and best idea but I want to believe it is the only option of pouring out how I currently feel. It is too much of a thought for just one person to carry and not want to tell someone else, it is too much of a burden for just one person to lift and not want a helping hand but at this moment I know talking about it will only make me emotional.
So, I believe I am not in the right state to share whatever is going on with me with anyone because I am not in the right frame of mind. I am so afraid of my thoughts coming to reality, I am so afraid of thinking negatively but it just feels like I am telling myself a lie and it makes it worse for me.
The only words that keep coming to my mind to help me eradicate my negative thought is "It's going to be okay and I hope it is really going to be okay.
