RE: War Bicycle / Bicicleta de Guerra

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RE: War Bicycle / Bicicleta de Guerra

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agmoore in The Ink Well • last year

There are many sentences in here that deserve special notice, that have biting significance. I choose one to illustrate the brilliance of this piece:

As if evil itself was approaching me, his warm but heavy hand lay on me without any permission

There is so much in the sentence, but the words, without any permission sum up the arrogance of this leader, the absolutism of his command, and the subjugation of those who obey (willingly or otherwise). I've read a lot of stories in my time and it is rare that one surprises me. This one did.

The rebellion of a simple bicycle, willing (yes! a bicycle with will) to sacrifice itself for a greater cause sets a model for others.

I look forward to reading more from you.

last year in The Ink Well by agmoore

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flquin last year

Greetings. Thank you very much for highlighting that in the story. This character, was only going to be known by what people knew about him, the rumors he produced.

His four performances in the story were determinant to show that character. A character too arrogant and grotesque to be missed. Just for a moment, it might create doubt as to whether he deserved that denouement, his moments of joy on the bike. This tells me that as cold as his heart was, he still had some good in him. That doubt, too, was important, because the ending of the story was still unpredictable and that to me is very important in a good story.

I usually write, though. Here on Hive is the only place where I have shared my stories with others. I'm still learning, I hope that what I can offer you will continue to be as good as this story, which also gave me a lot of pleasure in creating it.

Thank you!

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agmoore last year

This tells me that as cold as his heart was, he still had some good in him

Only cartoon cutouts are without complexity. Pol Pot had a daughter, whom he loved. Hitler was reportedly fond of his dog. Your commander's moment of joy makes him human, and relatable.

I think the story was wonderfully balanced. I do expect you to live up to that standard in the future 😄 But you are also complex, so write what pleases you and hope for a great outcome.

I'm rooting for you!

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