This unfortunately went beyond just the stresses of life and family illness. There's mental illness at play for me. It's a copy of 3 years ago. I also got out of that prolonged episode.

Interestingly, I have exercised, but it hasn't been enough to release all the built up rage. I found myself feeling that I deserve the pain and thus inflicting it.

Let's see if I can convince myself to stop. I know it's crazy and unproductive, and yet...

Cheers, brother. Wishing you strength to deal with your family's health as well.