Fiction: A good start. Children's Story. Original content. ESP/EN.

in The Ink Well9 months ago

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The afternoon was beautiful and fresh. Daniela and her father had just arrived at the Olympic Gym in the city, to find out if there were any registrations for gym classes. Daniela, she was very excited; she asked her father to take her there, to see how the gym classes were and see if she could sign up to learn that sport.

Daniela, was very shocked, to see what the girls who practiced gymnastics were doing on television, and since she saw the competitions, she imagined doing the same. She told her father about her interest in sports, and he supported her and told her that if she really wanted it, he would take her to see if there was a possibility that she could practice gymnastics in her city.

Two weeks after finishing the competitions on TV, Daniela's interest was still alive, and Jorge, her father, began to ask and find out if there were possibilities of practicing gymnastics in his city. When researching, Jorge found out that in the city, there was a gymnastics school in Gomasio Olympic, so he decided to take Daniela with him, to find out everything about registration and for Daniela to see the atmosphere and see if she liked it.

When they arrived at the Gymnastics School, Jorge left Daniela in front of the practice mats, while he went to ask everything about the registrations and the requirements, in order to register. While he was doing that, Daniela was watching people running, doing stretches and warming up her body before she started training.

She was very excited, watching the girls running and jumping on the colt; in fact, she saw one girl jumping so high, that she was impressed and said out loud, I, I could never do that! At that moment, I heard the voice of another girl who said, "Of course you can do that and many more things; what you should do is train and be disciplined.’

Daniela turned around, and saw a girl about 6 or 7 years old. She thought she was the same age as her; she was dressed in a leotard and had her hair up. When she saw that Daniela was staring at her, the girl introduced herself.

—Hi, I'm Lucia, and I'm in gym classes. —

—Hi, I'm Daniela, and I came with my dad, to see about the registration at the school. —

—That's good, you know; it's very nice to train, and the starting group is very close-knit, and we support each other; hopefully you'll come in soon. — Lucia said.

— I really like her, but I really don't know if she can be good or if she can do what the other girls do; they're amazing. — Said Daniela.

—Don't worry, we all start from scratch. The important thing is to start and not put limitations on yourself. You can always achieve what you want with work and effort. My mom taught me that. — Commented Lucia.

At that moment, Jorge arrived with all the information for the registration and told Daniela, —I already have all the information. — Daniela, he introduced Lucia to her dad, and then they said goodbye. Jorge and Daniela, made a tour of the whole place. Jorge introduced Daniela to the coach and the lady who attended him at the registration, and after seeing part of the training and the demands of it, Jorge and Daniela, went to their home.

When they arrived at the house, Daniela told her mom and her sister, what she saw—how hard the training was—and told them, how amazing it was what those girls did on the bars and on the other devices. She was very happy, but at the same time, she was a little worried.

Her mom and sister started joking with Daniela, and told her how pretty she was going to look at the competitions with her leotard and her hair up. When her mom asked her what she liked the most, Daniela told her, that she liked the most and what she wanted to do were the parallel bars, but after a minute, she told her family.

— I don't know if I'm fit to be a gymnast, and I don't know if I can compete; it's very difficult. — Said Daniela to you, distressed.

Her parents and sister saw her and started talking to her. —Daniela, the important thing about practicing a sport is to do something that you like and that you enjoy, not that it causes you anguish; you should enjoy it. —His mom told him.

—But how will I do to be among the best, I don't want to disappoint you. —Commented Daniela.

—Daniela, the important thing is that you do what you like and that you do your best. It doesn't matter if you win or lose; what matters is that you give your best in whatever you are going to do—in studies, in music, in gymnastics, as a mother, as a worker, when you are an adult. Giving your best and doing things with love is the most important thing. On the other hand, you are never going to disappoint us, nor are you going to fail us, and if you try to do something and fail, we are not going to accuse you, punish you, or claim you. We will support you, because you are our daughter and our family. — Jorge said to Daniela, with a kind, understanding and loving tone.

—Chiquilina, don't go to see sport only as a competition to be the best, or to be better than others; if you do it that way, you won't see your classmates as friends, but as competitors. You should see gymnastics, just as I see volleyball, as something fun, where one learns discipline to work as a team and support each other, so you can see the team, as another family, where everyone is united and supports each other. And the important thing is not to win; the important thing is to give the best of yourself and do, with love, everything you do. — Said Claudia, his teenage sister.

From that moment on, Daniela cried out and decided to enroll in gymnastics classes. Now she knew that she was not there to be better than others, but to give her best, to be part of a team, and to support and be supported by her teammates. And no matter that other girls thought differently, Daniela already knew what her path was, and she knew that on that path, she could enjoy sports, she could learn discipline and teamwork, and she could support and be supported.

Daniela started her experience in gymnastics, with a firm step and with the security of the support and love of her family, and she also knew that this love and support would be for everything she did in life, which gave enormous security and spiritual peace.

Thank you for reading me.


Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)


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Un buen comienzo. Cuento Infantil. Contenido Original. ESP/EN.


La tarde estaba hermosa y fresca, Daniela y su padre acababan de llegar al Gimnasio Olímpico de la ciudad, para averiguar si había inscripciones en las clases de gimnasia. Daniela, estaba muy emocionada, ella le pidió a su padre que la llevará ahí, para ver cómo eran las clases de gimnasia y ver si se podía inscribir para aprender ese deporte.

Daniela, había quedado muy impactada, al ver lo que hacían las niñas que practicaban gimnasia en la televisión, y desde que vio las competencias, se imaginaba haciendo lo mismo. Ella le comentó a su padre su interés por el deporte y él la apoyó y le dijo, que si ella de verdad lo deseaba, él la llevaría para ver si había posibilidad de que ella practicara gimnasia en su ciudad.

A las dos semanas de haber terminado las competencias en la TV, el interés de Daniela seguía vivo, y Jorge, su padre, comenzó a preguntar y averiguar si había posibilidades de practicar gimnasia en su ciudad. Al investigar, Jorge se enteró de que en la ciudad, había una escuela de gimnasia en Gimnasio Olímpico, así que decidió llevar a Daniela con él, para que averiguar todo lo referente a la inscripción y para que Daniela viera el ambiente, a ver si le gustaba.

Cuando llegaron a la Escuela de Gimnasia, Jorge, dejó a Daniela al frente de las colchonetas de práctica, mientras él iba a preguntar todo lo referente a las inscripciones y los requisitos, para poder inscribirse. Mientras él hacía eso, Daniela miraba a la gente corriendo, haciendo estiramientos y calentando su cuerpo antes de comenzar a entrenar.

Ella estaba muy entusiasmada, viendo a las niñas correr y saltando sobre el potro, de hecho, vio a una niña brincar tan alto, que se impresionó y dijo en voz alta, ¡Yo, jamás podría hacer eso¡En ese momento, escucho la voz de otra niña que le decía, ‘‘Claro que puedes hacer eso y muchas cosas más, lo que debes haces es entrenar y ser disciplinada’’.

Daniela se volteó, y vio a una niña de unos 6 o 7 años, ella pensaba que tenía la misma edad que ella, estaba vestida con un leotardo y tenía su pelo recogido. Al ver que Daniela se le quedaba mirando, la niña se presentó.

—Hola, soy Lucia, estoy en las clases de Gimnasia. —

—Hola, yo soy Daniela, y vine con mi papá, para ver lo de la inscripción en la escuela. —

—Qué bueno, sabes, es muy bonito entrenar y el grupo de inicio es muy unido y nos apoyamos las unas a las otras, ojalá entres pronto. — Dijo Lucia.

—A mí me gusta mucho, pero de verdad no sé si pueda ser buena o si pueda hacer lo que las otras niñas hacen, son increíbles.— Dijo Daniela.

—No te preocupes, todas empezamos desde cero, lo importante es empezar y no ponerse limitaciones, siempre podrás lograr lo que deseas con trabajo y esfuerzo. Eso me lo enseño mi mamá. — Comentó Lucia.

En ese momento, llegó Jorge con todos los datos para la inscripción y le dijo a Daniela, —Ya tengo toda la información. — Daniela, le presentó a Lucia a su papá y después se despidieron. Jorge y Daniela, hicieron un recorrido por todo el lugar, Jorge le presentó a Daniela al entrenador y a la señora que lo atendió en la inscripción y después de ver parte del entrenamiento y las exigencias del mismo, Jorge y Daniela, se fueron a la su casa.

Cuando llegaron a la casa Daniela, le contó a su mamá y a su hermana, lo que vio, lo duro que era el entrenamiento y les dijo, lo impresionante que era lo que esas niñas hacían en las barras y en los otros aparatos. Ella estaba muy contenta y a la vez, se le notaba algo preocupada.

Su mamá y su hermana empezaron a bromear con Daniela, y le decían lo bonita que se iba a ver en las competencias con su leotardo y su pelo recogido. Cuando su mamá le preguntó que era lo que más le gustaba, Daniela le dijo, que lo más le gustaba y lo que quería hacer eran las barras paralelas, pero después de un minuto, le dijo a su familia.

—No sé, si yo sirva para ser gimnasta, y no sé si pueda competir, es muy difícil. — Dijo Daniela con vos angustiada.

Sus padres y su hermana la vieron y comenzaron a hablar con ella. —Daniela, lo importante de practicar un deporte es hacer algo que te guste y que lo disfrutes, no que te cause angustia, debes disfrutarlo. — Le dijo su mamá.

—Pero cómo haré para estar entre las mejores, no quiero decepcionarlos. — Comentó Daniela.

—Daniela, lo importante es que hagas lo que te gusta y que lo hagas lo mejor posible, no importa si ganas o pierdes, lo que importa es que des lo mejor de ti en cualquier cosa que vayas a hacer, en los estudios, en la música, en la gimnasia, como madre, como trabajadora, cuando seas adulta. Dar lo mejor de ti y hacer las cosas con amor, es lo importante. Por otro lado, jamás nos vas a decepcionar, ni nos vas a fallar, y si intentas hacer algo y fracasas, no te vamos a acusar, ni te vamos a castigar, ni te vamos a reclamar. Te vamos a apoyar, ya que eres nuestra hija y nuestra familia. — Le dijo Jorge a Daniela, con tono amable, comprensivo y amoroso.

—Chiquilina, no vayas a ver el deporte solo como una competencia para ser la mejor, o para ser mejor que los demás, si lo haces así, no verás a tus compañeros como amigos, sino como competidores. Debes ver la gimnasia, así como yo veo el voleibol, como algo divertido, donde uno aprende disciplina a trabajar en equipo y apoyarse mutuamente, así podrás ver al equipo, como otra familia, donde todas estén unidas y se apoyen. Y lo importante no es ganar, lo importante, es dar lo mejor de ti y hacer con amor, todo aquello que hagas. — Le dijo Claudia, su hermana adolescente.

A partir de ese momento, Daniela se clamó y decidió inscribirse en las clases de gimnasia. Ahora sabía, que no estaba ahí para ser mejor que las demás, sino para dar lo mejor de sí, ser parte de un equipo y apoyar y ser apoyada por sus compañeras. Y sin importar, que otras niñas pensaran diferente, Daniela, ya sabía cuál era su camino, y sabía que en ese camino, ella, podría disfrutar del deporte, podría aprender disciplina, trabajo en equipo, y podría apoyar y ser apoyada.

Daniela inició su experiencia en la gimnasia, con paso firme y con la seguridad del apoyo y del amor de su familia, y además sabía, que ese amor y ese apoyo, sería para todo lo que hiciera en la vida, lo que dio una enorme seguridad y paz espiritual.

Gracias por leerme.


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I love how Daniela's family supported her all the way. It's really great to have such a supportive set of family members.

Hi @tresane, thank you very much for the comment.
I'm glad you liked the story, if the idea was to create a story that promotes different values, that ratify the personal growth of children and that teach them to live together.

Wow! I really love the end part where she got to take great decisions again avoiding competitions with her teams. Competition would happen but that when staged. Not just seeing herself competing naturally instead of giving her best. Thanks for the amazing write ✍️

Hi @abdul-qudus, thank you very much for the comment.
If the idea is that he enjoyed sports and friendships and that he gave his best in competitions, without seeing the other teammates as rivals.
Those values imposed by Hollywood movies, of competence, ego and supremacy usually end up hurting children, who feel frustrated if they are not the best, and end up causing envy and conflict.The story suggests that there is another way to see life and do things.
Thanks for the comment.

It is wonderful that her parents placed a higher value on joy, friendship, and teamwork, than on competition, and that this encouraged Daniela to pursue her dream, focusing more on sportsmanship than anything else. It would have been nice for Danela's mom to have shared an example of sportsmanship (through dialogue) with her from her volleyball days. It would have driven this home.

Your English translation needs some editing to remove mixed gender pronouns as Daniela changes between a male and a female throughout your story. You also shift between 1st and 3rd person a bit which can be distracting and confusing. Using an editor to check your piece for correct grammar and punctuation is therefore recommended. There is another issue that you should look to address and that is redundancy. If you reread the first four English paragraphs you will realise that your paragraphs repeat a lot of the same information from previous paragraphs and don't actually progress the story. You could lose your reader quickly if you continue to do this as it comes across as padding and no new interest is introduced from paragraph to paragraph. One final thing: make sure that you have the right voice when your characters speak. Lucia is described as six or seven years old but speaks with the voice of an older child and that can be disconcerting.

Thank you for sharing your story in The Ink Well. Keep writing!