Thanks a lot to share with us all this feelings, I know perfectly that it is not easy to be a mom, because it seems that when you become a mother, at the same time you become guilty.

I had a similar feeling with my two children, because both of them born with some healthy conditions and their first years were so dificult, but I felt that all their medical problems were my fault.
So Hard it was the feeling of guilty that I decided not to have any other Child.

Right now they are two healthy teenagers but it was so dificult for me but also for them to be always at the hospital checking their health.
But remember that God know s our hearts, He knows our intentions and knows that you tried to do your best with all your children, so please don't feel guilty anymore.
Blessings for your cute girl, (I loved her hair) and for all your family.
It was a pleasure to read your experience and to know a little more about you.
Kisses my friend.