Hive User Receives an Unfollow Notification

in Comedy Open Mic10 months ago

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A Hive User was in great form this morning and loving life until he heard Ginabot and F.R.I.D.A.Y make that Discord bubbly sound at the same time. "Oh" he said to himself. That is strange. Maybe it is Hivebuzz Discord doing an "everyone" mention again or a freak upvote but it is unlikely as they usually happens within a day of a post published. But the alert was unusual as @funlovingcriminal did not write a post all week. Usually after a post publish on Hive , you would wait 5 minutes until the Discord bubbly noise started which comes in waves very much like a bad dose of diarrhea gushing wildly for a few seconds and tapering off into one of two last random plops at the end. But after that there is usually no Discord bubbly sound. @funlovingcriminal looked at his phone and fell back against a cabinet when he read his phone.

! [GINABOT MESSAGE] @johnnyhiveisalive has unfollowed you!!
DA DA DAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

@funlovingcriminal distraught at the news tried regaining his composure after reading this surprising message.

"I'm @funlovingcrimina!!! The fun guy on Hive" " Who the hell would unfollow me????"
"Nobody unfollows anybody on Hive. It's just not the done thing. Even bernie & Haejin still follow each other for god sake!!! Who would do such a thing?"

"I will wait a couple of minutes to see if they follow me again"
"A classic case of the unfollow / follow double button press from the famous Hive frontend lag.
"I am always doing that. It's a UI thing that the Follow button loads last and you think you are not following someone then you follow them and it comes up that you unfollowed them. To make up for this mischief the Hive user hits follow again moments later after becoming aware of his faux pas."

"Has to be it"

Ten Minutes Later

"Ok no follow back again."

"Once you get the follow then you should go to the grave with it."

"So it was not a mistake. OK OK"
"Maybe the fucker is coming off Hive forever and he wants to erase everything about himself or herself."
"That is definitely it, without a doubt, Yes that's it"

"Ok let us check this filthy animal out. An unfollow is worse than a downvote good sir. If you are not following me then you are not reading my posts to even give me a downvote so an unfollow is Hive's ultimate insult with the exception of a couple of known Hive troubadours that nobody gives any heed to!!"

@johnnyhiveisalive posted 2 hours ago. Hmmmmmmmm. "Say he is loving Hive and hopes to be here for the long term!!"

"CURSES, so he has unfollowed me and he is not doing a runner off Hive. He is staying around."

"Ok I don't actually mind if he has no Hive Power in his coffers. Let me just do a little check on him here. Dum dee Dum dee doo....... "

! [Wallet] WTF 250,000 HIVE POWER
WHAT IN THE HELLLLLLLL?????????????? HE HAS THE MOST HIVE POWER FROM ALL MY FOLLOWERS!!!!!!!

@funlovingcriminal again looked back through @johnyhiveisalive post's to get any inkling about why he unfollowed him but there were no signs whatsoever. No bad blood. @funlovingcriminal had slagged off a couple of Communities in his last post but it was all friendly banter and nobody should have been offended. Well not enough to be unfollowed anyway. THE ULTIMATE BETRAYALLLLL ON HIVE!!!

Anxiety ripped through @funlovingcriminals very being. He started looking in the mirror and asked his wife @funlovingflirtinal, who was busy getting ready to head out with friends, random questions as waves of insecurity washed all over him. He was still in the dark about the unfollow and he was not best happy about it.
"If someone on Twitter unfollows you then its not a big deal. If you get unfriended on Facebook , you don't get told about it so most of the time it is not noticed. But on Hive every bot in their Armory cannot wait to alert you on the news."

"Where is @johnnyhiveisalive from and what are his hobbies?"
"Looks British actually which is interesting and he enjoys long walks , museums and a good old insect photo which he gets rewarded handsomely for by the people of Hive."

"But I like long walks , museums and a good old insect photo as well, it is the foundations of which Hive was built."

"@jonnyhiveisalive also reblogged a couple of the Hive token homeless dudes posts."

"I like the homeless dudes posts as well to see what kind of unfortunate predicament had befalling him this week. Was it a roof caving in , a flooded tent, or his pet dog running away on because of the smell?"

"The more I am looking at this guy the more I actually like him!!!"

"Ok seeing that I got alot in common with @johnnyhiveisalive have we ever interacted with each other and the answer is no, but that is not the point. You can follow someone and admire from afar without an upvote or comment."

"OK that is it!! I am going on Discord to ask this person why they unfollowed me and I will not be nice about it!!! I have 2000 loyal followers and I will be dammed if this one goes quietly into the distance. I got two notifications buddy. You can't unfollow me that easy you fucking prick!! Luckily he found that his Discord name was @jonnnyhive."

"Dear @Johnnyhive.

I write to you in solemn mood and wondered if you could let me know why you have unfollowed me. I am a daily poster and I do not insult that many people , well not enough for an unfollow. I would appreciate if you are not a dickhead about it and get back to me ASAP with your honest answer. I am a big boy. I can handle it. It's the not knowing that kills me.

Kind regards,
@funlovingcriminal

@funlovingcriminal waited patiently for a reply and not long after he received a bubbly Discord noise and it was none other than the man himself.

Dearest @funlovingcriminal,
Thank you for your email in reference to the unfollow. Unfortunately I did mean to do it. It was a conscious decision to hit the unfollow button so I will not be following you going forward. The reason for this is that I live very close by in the neighbouring town and I am seeing your wife @funlovingflirtimal. We met a Hivefest and hooked up. She has probably left you by now and we had planned to do the unfollow and the leaving of the relative spouses simultaneously. Nothing personal though. I do quite like your posts actually and I am sorry to have to unfollow you under these circumstances.
Yours Faithfully
Yours truly
@johnnyhiveisalive.

@funlovingcriminal sat back in his chair in his empty house letting the news sink in.

"It had nothing to do with my posts."

"WELL THANK GOD FOR THAT."

! [GINABOT MESSAGE] @funlovingflirtinal has unfollowed you.

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Well damn😭😭😭😭😂

Man didn't expect tht last bit😂😂

@seki1 Yeah it tied everything up pretty well haha

That twist. Anyway, I'm just glad I turned off the unfollow notification because I think this was a default on for these discord bots to be on? not sure but quality of life improved not minding these moments. The same rationale was probably used why other socmeds don't notify how one gets unfollowed/unfriended.

YOU CAN TURN IT OFFF?????? NEWS TO ME . THANK YOU JESUS

Reading this post, I couldn't help but wonder if I should unfollow you.
[Me searching the house... Honey, where are you?]

I was expecting someone to do it. Didn't think it would be my favourite witness. 😃 😄

Hahaha! I love that plot twist at the end. This would make for an epic romcom/ sitcom ;^)

I'm ringing the major studios as we speak. So far no joy!😃

Major studios have lost touch with originality a long time ago...

Great photoshop work as always 😎

Not trying to blow my own trumpet or anything but it puts @dalz's efforts to shame.

The AI has a long road ahead to reach that level :)

🤣 🤣