5 minute freewrite 2439 prompt determine your future

myjob in Freewriters • 4 months ago (edited)

This is my post for #freewrters 2439 prompt determine your future hosted by @mariannewest

If someone were to say to me, Cissy, determine your future, I would say I wish it didn't but it looks pretty grim. This past year seems to have been one thing after another, I know I have been through a lot in my 68 years and survived so why does this past year seem different?

Sometimes I feel like giving up but I am too stubborn to do that, I have always been a fighter and do not wish to change now, but it is getting harder to fight.

Since my two youngest moved back home, it has put a strain on my husband and my relationship with him making comments just about every day, I try not to respond because if I say something back to him, it turns into an argument, so as much as it bothers me, I keep quiet.

Last September I think I fished for 3 days, and once in October. I have been out on my boat one time since then. I took my daughter and sister to an island for a day of fun.

When I started on Hive, I wanted to write about each day's fishing, what I caught, and what I did each day, plus my daily life so one day my grandkids could read about how my life was. This is why I chose the name @myjob, now I am thinking that I should change my name because I do not know if I will ever be able to fish again.

I know that at the moment, I am feeling down, maybe even some depression but my future as a fisherman is not looking good. For instance, in the last two months, I have found out that I need two surgeries, one on my neck and one on my hand. I also broke my little toe and now on the same foot I tore the toenail off of my big toe, I am sitting here typing this with a brace on my right hand and a bandage on my toe where the doctor removed the toenail. I feel as if my body is falling apart. I know some people will say, well you are old, but until now, I never saw myself as old.

I am not writing this for sympathy, it is just the way I feel at this moment, maybe in an hour or maybe a day or two when I can walk without pain, I will feel differently but right now my future seems to be not the future I envisioned for myself. I am a believer that a day can make all the difference, so I will not give up hope. My favorite saying is "This, too shall pass" and it will, I just need to ride it out.
photos are mine

#freewriters #dailyprompt #aliveandthriving #alive #silverbloggers #proofofbrain #visualblocks #ctp #pepe #bbh

4 months ago in Freewriters by myjob

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jacobtothe 4 months ago

Your job changes with time. It never ceases to be your job though. My future is also in flux. I think I will have to resign as a librarian within the year. I don't have a landing in mind, but the current course is unsustainable. I love my job, but I hate the political and bureaucratic intrusions, administrative mismanagement, and lack of freedom a part-time low-pay job that still requires 5 days each week imposes on me.

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myjob 3 months ago

It seems to not matter being a librarian or fisherman, as you said I hate the political and bureaucratic intrusions, administrative mismanagement, and lack of freedom we have to deal with these issues.

I have not been on Hive because my laptop has been out of order, but it is fixed now.

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wakeupkitty.pal 3 months ago

To be honest, kind of depressed, too. It's like forcing oneself to move forward and it popped up after.. well not really something that should weigh heavy on me but it does make me feel like vomiting.

Can we change our account name? I think I could use another one too. The "wakeup" weighed on me and reminded me I shouldn't be so naive, not to shake others because deaf remain deaf.

Your job... I don't know what to say or how to cheer you up. I can tell you about my youngest her toe and losing nails and her pain for over one year because of the new stupid nail damaging the toe. I don't think losing one has to do with getting older and broken toes, I had one every 2-3 weeks at the age of 15. Clumsy or old?

Like you, I have no idea what the future will bring. I don't even know if I am still alive or like to be alive in a 15-minute smart city where I need my QR idea to set foot outside and can only use my digital euro for what the government has set its use for. I don't believe I belong in that world.

I do believe you have a right to speak out, to cry and say what on your mind and you shouldn't tiptoe around your husband just to keep the peace. I wonder if everyone is tiptoeing around you, now you have a lot to deal with and those operations aren't something to look forward to either. I hope they help you and improve your life.

I don't think you are old and know those times it feels as if we fall apart for one reason or the other. What helps me? To live in the moment without breaking my brains about the future. If I do not see a future this doesn't mean there is not.

@myjob has a lot of knowledge that can be shared, you can be a teacher, are an entertaining storyteller. You can direct, delegate, be the captain, and let your knowledge live on without doing all the hard work yourself. Writers have ghostwriters you could have a ghost fisher helping you while learning something.
Is tourism and option?

A warm hug to you.

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myjob 3 months ago

My laptop was not working, My daughter came by today and was able to fix it.
I was feeling down when I wrote this post, but feeling better now, of course I still have the same problems but I am dealing with them. I hate having days like that one.

I do not want to take tourist on my boat, for one thing there are many regulations you need to have and special license to do so. Another thing would be the size of my boat, it is very small and sits low to the water.

As long as are depression comes and goes, I think we will be ok, it is when it stays I think we will need help. Or I hope that is right. I hope you are feeling better.

Everyone knows me as @myjob, but now it seems silly to have a name like that when there is no job. Still undecided about what to do about it.

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owasco 3 months ago

Hello! Where have you been? After a post like this one, I sure wish we could hear from you. Hope you are reasonably well, and are just taking a break from Hive.

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carolkean 3 months ago

We love you and we miss you, @myjob!
I hear the pain, the strain, the weariness, the struggle in your voice - but also that note of hope at the end.
This too shall pass.
The physical pain and limited mobility is sooo hard, especially for someone like you, so active and hardworking, so independent.
Praying you will be well - soon - and all the discord and tension melt into peace and harmony.
We would love to hear from you soon!!

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myjob 3 months ago

@carolkean you always speak beautiful words, thank you. I am sorry that I could not post, my laptop was not working, it kept telling me to put in A1 B2C3 and a catch phrase, my daughter got it to work for me, what would I do if I did not have smart kids.

I feel better now, it was just one of those days, I think we all have them but I wrote about it and then could not write again until today so I feel bad for leaving things like that.

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carolkean 3 months ago

You're back!!! Yay!!!
Who'd a thunk it was something so simple as laptop on the blink.
Of course worst-case-scenario is my go-to.
Hey, we lost Bruni (wonderwop), and how many others...
Thank God you're on the mend!!!

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myjob 3 months ago

I am the same way, when I do not see people's posts that I care about I wonder if something happened to them.

I feel bad about not being able to post that my laptop quit, I do not have Hive on my cell, it keeps telling me that my internal storage is full.

I am not good with electronics, that is why I have children and grandchildren., lol

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myjob 3 months ago

@owasco I am sorry for leaving you hanging, but my laptop quit on me and today my daughter came by and got it working again. That was a bad post for it to stop working, but now I can post again.

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owasco 3 months ago

Yes it sure was a bad post to leave us on! A real cliff hanger! I hope you feel like you got a break from posting. You had also been talking about doing that some, so knowing that was comforting. So glad you're OK!

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myjob 3 months ago

It was a nice break but not intentional, I hate cliff hangers and feel bad for it, but it was nothing but bad timing. I am so sorry. I asked someone if they would post something about what was going on with me but not sure they did, they said they don't post much anymore.

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