Are you more afraid of God's love than you are of his wrath?
In the beginning stages of my relationship with God, I was more afraid of what he would do to me if I didn't love him, if I didn't obey him. But as I grew in love with him more and more, what my fear was mostly was what would happen if he tore the walls down that I built to protect myself.
The walls that I built to protect me from rejection. If I really open God in, will he keep disappointing me?
Why do I keep feeling like you abandoned me?
And the truth is, and I heard a pastor say this, we oftentimes are more afraid of God's love than we are of his wrath. Because what it requires to build a real relationship with him means tearing down real walls.
He's going to have to deal with that abandonment issue. He's going to have to deal with that childhood trauma, the PTSD, the wounds from a father or a mother. And he can't comfort the you that you've created to protect yourself from this world.
He can only comfort the you that he created you to be authentically.
What happens when your trauma speaks louder than your spirit is crying?
What happens when the fear of abandonment causes you to pull away from God or the fear of rejection causes you to pull away from God?
Because you feel like you're going to fall into a sin and God's not going to forgive you this time and he's just going to leave you.
He's not them. We have to remember that God is perfect. And if he tells us in his word, he will never leave us or forsake us. If he tells us that he is our provider, that he is our healer, he is our way maker.
He is a promise keeper. He will never go back on his word and he will never change. And the moment that clicks and registers, it makes you afraid to be vulnerable because you realize you can open your heart up to this. And the past parts of me that are afraid of that happening again are still alive and awake.
But I need you to know that God is bigger than that. He is not your past. He is not the people that hurt you.
He is not a man that he should lie nor the son of man that he should even ever have to repent.
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