I spent time with my grandparents over the past few days. Given the recent circumstances of her health struggles, it obviously did not go quite as imagined prior to her hospitalization.
My mother's procedure was deferred due to borderline low blood pressure readings (possibly a faulty monitor at home), so she was absent from our New Year's celebrations this year for no reason. It really did not feel like a celebration, even though we had a few laughs across WhatsApp.
Certainly, I adjusted my mindset to try to do activities that I figured my grandmother would be able to handle, such as looking through old photographs, taking a very short walk around her neighborhood, and watching a movie together. None of these things happened. She just wasn't up for any of them, either due to feeling weak or due to her mood. Aside from my feelings about it, the bigger concern is that all of these are vital activities which would help her improve, both physically and mentally. The lack thereof is only going to lead to gradual decompensation.
She also did not let me help out around the home as much as I wanted. I managed to help a little bit with the dishes. That's about it. I felt very useless despite trying to do more. I'm sure my presence there made them happier, but I feel like I could have done more - if I was allowed lol!
A couple of good things: her pain is improving, and she wants to go back to work. I'm personally one who encourages elderly people to be as active as possible, provided they do it in a safe way that won't directly injure them. Some level of activity is always good. Old folks who become inactive tend to die sooner.
It feels abysmal talking about this in reference to my grandmother, but this is the reality I must face. I've pondered her mortality before in order to prepare myself, but now that her health conditions are showing their faces, it's quite hard for me to process. It seems that no level of mental preparation is going to suffice for me. I'll just have to deal with this as it comes along.
On my end, I've been exercising daily this week (and about 6-7 sessions over the past 9 days), and I definitely feel stronger already. Despite increasing the intensity of my workouts, I feel no soreness whatsoever. I haven't meditated since December 30th, however. It's time to resume that again. I have a few days of vacation left, so the opportunity remains.
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