A friend of mine has car fever.
Less than a year after he downsized from a luxury SUV to a decent sedan.
While he hasn't bought anything yet, I still find it interesting at how we can come to the realization that what we have been doing has been unhelpful (like putting a lot of worth into a car that drives us around from home to the office), and then not too long after, forget the realization and fall back into the same habits.
Habits are hard to break, and belief systems are habitual.
We learn what we believe in the same way we learn everything, through a process of nature and nurture. We are predisposed to some patterns of thought and action, and we are also influenced by our surroundings through experience and culture. And then because we have learned them, practiced them and reinforced them, our beliefs feel like they are part of us, as if we can't do without them and if we change them, we lose ourself - even the defeatist beliefs and the ones that hold us back in life.
And, what I think is worth exploring is that a lot of our beliefs are built when we are children, which means they are developed in an inexperienced and immature mind. While some of these will change over time, we also tend to hold onto a lot of these beliefs in some form, even though our experience might inform us differently. For instance, many children believe they will never like someone from the opposite sex, like my daughter says, "boys are loud and messy" - so she doesn't want them to visit.
Fine by me.
But then there are other beliefs that affect our life, but don't necessarily get reviewed often to see how they impact and whether they are still valid. For instance, a lot of men are car enthusiasts and have been since they were boys. However, for most of us, the cars that are within our reach are not overly different, nor are they overly special. Every "normal" brand tends to create a car that is in a range that is similar to other brands, so then people will make choices on cars over quite slight differences in looks, performance, comfort, and features. And then, because we have sunk our attention into it, we overvalue the differences, and might even think that other people care about these differences too.
And, while it might not be on a car, as we do tend to judge others and compare ourselves to them, we all do this in some way, whether it be on looks, clothing, income, job, or skill of some sort. There are a myriad points of comparison, and while many of them are actually irrelevant in the grand scheme, a lot of them bring an individual a sense of identity. So, some people believe that the car they drive is an expression of themselves, in the same way that some people believe their hairstyle, or the job they have indicates what kind of person they are.
And yes, there are people who believe they have "signature hairstyles".
I was talking about a belief that holds me back in many ways, but of course I also tie some of my identity to that belief. I think that being a minimizer, that surviving, that being prepared for the worst, is something that gives me value, that makes me relevant, that for some reason, is something to be proud of.
How silly.
But, all beliefs that don't serve our purpose are silly, aren't they? After all, if we are going to go to the effort to make meaning in our life, to live with purpose, we should ensure that our behaviors are aligned with our goals. And, behaviors are general built on the back of our belief system.
Beliefs shouldn't be confused for knowledge though, because knowing something doesn't make it a belief. For instance, I know what I should eat and do in order to be healthier, yet for some reason, I struggle to create the behaviors for doing just that. It isn't that I don't want the outcomes, but for whatever reason, I have belief roadblocks that are getting in the way of achieving them. It could be for instance that I use food for comfort, or to fill some other void in my life. It could be that I hold beliefs in the way I should spend my time, which gets in the way of the things I "should" be doing.
I got called out on saying "should" the other day.
It shows a lack of commitment. But it isn't just that, as I have introduced them into my vernacular because I believe I sounded too committed at times. In a world where nothing is certain, speaking at high levels with certainty is going to end in failure. And I believe that failing to allow for the dynamic random world, is a bad thing. Yet, I know a lot of people who do not allow for random at all, and they believe everything is in their control, and they do well. And, I think that this is possible because it means taking more responsibility for personal actions, believing that they are within our control.
If our belief systems dictate our general behavior, and our general behavior is our process, we should make sure that we have a good process, because good process provides the best chance of good outcomes. So this means that we should be exploring our belief systems often, reviewing our purpose, and then adjusting to make sure things are in alignment, instead of conflicted.
For example, my friend wants to ensure that he has a good financial position, yet whenever he has a bit of money burning a hole in his pocket, he will spend it on a consumable of some sort, that diminishes in value. The only way to spend your way into wealth, is to spend on investments into wealth generating possibility.
Does a car do that?
Very unlikely, however it might be that the social value gained from driving a nicer car will bring additional financial value, though I think that in most cases, that is pretty dubious too. Though, for a racing car driver, it is a necessity to get the results that lead to higher earnings and sponsorship. I am not a racing driver - no one cares what I drive except me.
And, I think that this is how it is with a lot of beliefs. No one cares about the beliefs of others, until those beliefs encroach onto the space of our own. And then, because people build their identity around their beliefs, they also feel attacked when someone else's is conflict, or makes them question the belief system, because it opens up the possibility for being wrong. And, because of that attachment of belief to identity, it isn't the belief that is wrong, it is the person who is wrong.
We can change our beliefs.
We can't change who we are.
We can change what we do.
We can never be someone else.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
