It's never a clean slate...

To forgive infidelity...

Express your emotions. Say what you want to say, with your personality, don't shut things up, because to that same extent you can get to know your partner and you make your partner get to know you too.

Don't shout that it's worse!

Many times the communication in the couple does not flow, either by the form or by the background, there is a lack of understanding and emotional validation.

Infidelity is a wound that hurts and does not heal absolutely. That means that thinking that you're going to be unfaithful and the other person is going to forgive you, like a clean slate, that's not going to happen.

Forget about that.

Keep reading, this thread 🧵 about what I think about infidelity.

Forgiving an infidelity goes through several processes, ranging from the loss and restoration of trust, to dealing with such strong feelings as hatred, love, self-esteem.

Not everyone forgives an infidelity and that has to be kept in mind, and not only that, but many times it is forgiven quickly and then the person does not know how to deal with the other feelings, and we end up regretting having forgiven. This is what many of us know as going forward and then backward, even many times.

So the process of forgiving an infidelity does not happen by starting from scratch, but by starting with spent supplies and elapsed time. One cannot pretend to go through this trance easily and quickly. It is impossible, and trying to do it is a major mistake.

I have seen many relationships in which infidelities are forgiven that do not have a good ending.. I feel like there's no point in delaying the inevitable.

Of course they want to be together because they love each other but the unfaithful person did not love enough to avoid causing harm to their partner that will have to heal.

Which is going to cost him therapy and a lot of crying, insecurity, loss of self-esteem etc. And in the end they are going to end because what is broken is not going to be the same as before.

As I read once, the only way to forget an infidelity is to fall down some stairs and lose your memory 🤣🤣🤣 and if it's something like that. For me an infidelity is not forgiven, broken trust everything is over.

So we have to take the time, to process this grief to allow ourselves to feel. Do not rush into this forgiveness thing, and see if you are able to do it or not, and then, if you forgive, understand that it is never a clean slate.

When we love, we simply give everything we have inside us, we give all our emotions, we give all our feeling. But, obviously, once we don't receive, well, love definitely doesn't work. It is already beginning to be a dependent love, it is already beginning to be an unhealthy love, because there are loves that are bad, it is important that we know.

Janitze 🌹